5 Year Anniversary

Today marks 5 years since David was taken away from me in a very violent, terrifying way.  When I look back to that day I see terror and sadness but then I see God’s hand and his grace.  Many people would not understand how or why I see God’s hand in that horrible day but when you look at it from God’s eyes you/I see his tender hand protecting us.  I know I haven’t posted anything for a really long time but I would like to update anyone who might read this on what has happened these last few years!

In May of 2011 I started having a tingly/numb sensation in my right leg that would not go away but I pushed it off as stress.  Then in February 2012 I woke up and could not see out of my left eye, so after a MRI and many doctor appointments I was diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis).  At the time this was so devastating but after lots of prayer my eye sight came back in less than a month and the tingly sensation has gone away and my MS is stable.

On a happier note I have seen my sister get married and become a mom, I have become an auntie to two adorable girls and one on the way (we don’t know if it’s a boy or girl yet), I have gotten back onto my jet ski and have been able to enjoy it this summer, went skydiving, I’ve shot guns again with my dad.  I’ve bought a house and I am for the first time living independently, I love having my own space.  My biggest change is that I am dating a wonderful man who has been patient, loving, understanding and caring during the many trials I have gone through.  He would love to marry me (like yesterday) but since David has never been found I have not been able to receive a death certificate so I am still legally married.  So as I always tell him SOMEDAY…. just like I told him before we went on our first date.  If I was killed 5 years ago I would not of been able to experience all of these JOYS in my life.

Has the last 5 years been hard YES, has it been good YES, do I still think of that day 5 years ago YES, have I received joy amidst sadness YES.  God has been so gracious to me the last 5 years and I know that I will continue to have new found joy in my life and God will continue to restore the joy that was taken from me.  I am excited to see what God has planned for me and for my future.

My sweet Cytori

January 14th 2013 my sweet Cytori past away, since she was bit by a baby rattlesnake she hasn’t been the same and her heart just hasn’t been as strong as it once was.  2012 was not a great year for her but she was a fighter and pulled through so many obstacles that came her way.  I am so thankful that David gave me her 11 years ago and that she has been such a blessing to me and everyone who has been touched by Cytori’s unconditional love and sweetness.  Once again Cytori and David can  be reunited and have fun together just like they use to.  I miss her so much but I know she isn’t in pain and she’s with her papa now, and for that I am thankful for.

Miss you both so much!

Suspect arrested in Falcon Lake killing

On Monday I received a call from a media friend in Texas who told me that the Mexico Government arrested Salvador Alfonso Martinez Escobedo who was involved in Murdering David.  As you can imagine this came to me as a surprise/shock since I haven’t had any news for quite some time.  It’s probably has been since the remains were discovered at Falcon Lake back in December of 2011.  Right now we are working on gathering information from both sides of the border to see how this suspect was involved in killing David and if he had anything to do with his murder then where are David’s remains.  The latest information I heard was that the Mexico authorities were cooperating with the FBI in the investigation.  Please continue to have us in your prayers that the suspect can and will lead authorities to David’s remains so we can honor him the way he always wanted.  Thank you for all of your support and prayers!


Leap of Faith

The months of July and August has been a month of stepping out on faith and jumping hurdles.  On Aug 3rd I finally took my jet ski that I was riding the day David was killed to a friends lake to see if I was going to keep it or sell it.  I didn’t want to make that decision until I got it out on the lake to see how I would feel about it and take another step toward my healing from that day.  I also didn’t want to put a lot of pressure on myself of how I would react once i got on the jet ski, the only thing I kept my focus on leading up to going to the lake and while I was on the lake was David and I had more happy and joyful days on our jet ski vs our one horrible day.  Once we got to the lake my friend helped me get it in and surprisingly I was a little excited to get it out and enjoy it again.  Of course I had some moments that weren’t fun, memories of that day that came flooding back but I continually asked God to be my strength during my weakness and he showed himself faithfully to me.  After awhile it was like a switch came on and I was able to enjoy the rest of the day, even Cytori got to enjoy a victory lap with me.  Now I look forward to taking it back out with my family and friends.

I continually look at the last almost 2 years and see how far I have come and how different I am in all aspects in my life.  Spiritually I have become closer to God and his love for me, emotionally I have gone from distraught to peace.  I am excited to see where God is leading me and how he will use me for his grater purpose.  I believe I am here today because of God’s Grace, I pray that my family, friends and people who meet me see God’s Grace and Mercy in my life and can experience the same in there’s.

May God Bless Your Life

Aurora, CO Shooting

A week ago tonight just after midnight a coward went into a movie theater and started shooting into the crowded theater.  Friday morning my sister called me and told me about it and I was in shock and disbelief as to what happened.  My heart broke for the 12 families that lost a loved one and to all the survivors who made it out alive, even if they were wounded they still were alive.  A few are still in critical condition but many of them are recovering and doing well.

All day Friday I believe God was breaking my heart for what breaks his.  All the way to work I just cried and couldn’t stop, once I got to work so I sat in my car until I could get myself together.  My heart truly could relate to every person who was in the theater.  Even though I was not there I could put myself in their shoes and know the horror they felt.

Everyday since the shooting I pray for the families and friends who have been affected by this horrible tragedy.  My prayer is that I soon will be able to offer my help to the survivors who wish to visit with someone who can not only relate to what they went through and to what they will be going through in the days to come.  I know for me it would of been helpful to visit with someone who understands exactly what they saw, heard and felt.

I pray God will give them the peace and comfort he has given to me.

Restored Joy

If you would of asked me a year ago if I would feel or experience JOY again, I probably would of told you that joy most likely wouldn’t exists in my life again.   And when I talk about joy I mean the deep down unexplainable joy that the Bible talks about.  Just recently I have found that Joy when I stepped out in faith and decided to go boating and get on the water for the first time since David was killed.  I wanted to start taking baby steps to getting my life back and start enjoying the things that were holding me back from living and enjoying the things that David and I enjoyed together.

So, I went boating and got on the inter-tube and had a wonderful time, then the following weekend I went skydiving for the first time.  Boating was the beginning of my leap of faith but skydiving was by far the tipping point of my sense of  freedom.  I loved every minute of it and had a smile on my face that hasn’t left.  I can’t explain why skydiving made me feel alive again but I feel like a new person, a person who is ready to keep moving forward toward what God has in store for me.  For the first time I can see a happier me, I see myself helping others who have been through traumatic experiences, and maybe even marring again.

My goal before the end of summer is to get back on my jet ski and overcome the fear of what memories/flashbacks it might bring forth.  I am already telling myself that once I get on that jet ski the only memories I’ll have is the ones full of joy and excitement.  I refuse to allow myself to think of all the bad ways my mind can react to getting back on it.  I know God will protect me just like he did on Sept 30th and when I went boating.  The worst part of going boating was when we were leaving all I could think of was David would love to be there enjoying the lake.  I could visualize his smile and the look he would have on his face if he were there with us.  Then I remind myself that he is in the most beautiful place and there’s no way he would want to be down here on earth.  His adventures are far more exciting than going boating.  So, for now I will complete all the adventures that we planned to do.

God has shown himself faithful in my life and like my friend has told me from the beginning “God will restore everything that has been stolen from you”.  I believed her then but now I truly believe and receive everything God has in store for me.  He’s restoring my joy… praise God

God has never left me nor forsaken me

Joy is Alive again

God Bless


Carl Wiegand

Please continue to have Carl Wiegand’s family in your prayers.  Carl has been missing since the beginning of March and he is still missing.  I heard from Carl’s family and they are still searching for Carl and praying for his safe return.  As far as I know there has not been anymore information since he was going to cross back into the U.S. at Falcon Dam but then was redirected to cross at the Roma crossing.  I know Carl’s family is feeling like their world has been knocked of it’s axis and their hearts are not whole with Carl missing and without knowing where he is or what happened to him I know they are feeling truly lost without him.

So, please continue to lift Carl’s family up in prayer and Carl’s safe return home.

“El Loco” Drug Cartel Leader Captured

El Loco! Drug Cartel Leader Captured After Beheading 49 People In Mexico (VIDEO)

I know this is a little late getting posted but in my mind I thought I already posted it but obviously I hadn’t.  Every time I hear about another person killed in Mexico my heart sinks.  Honestly anytime I hear someone is killed because I know what the family is going thru and the pain they feel.
Here we have 49 people/families that have been affected by the hand of the Drug Cartels.  These families are all going thru a loss that should not have happened.  Once again it goes to show the Cartels have control over Mexico and can get away with whatever they want.
I continue to pray for Mexico because we know that the world is the Devils stronghold and the Devils stronghold on Mexico is stronger than anyone could or any government could help.  I believe God is the only one that can help Mexico and the mess they are in.  Please join me in praying for Mexico and the citizens that are being affected by the violence of the Cartels.  Please also pray for the Cartel members that God will touch their hearts and that they will be open to turning from their wicked ways.
God Bless

Carl Jonathan Wiegand

In the beginning of March Carl Jonathan Wiegand of  Lockhart, Texas went missing near Falcon Lake.  The last the family heard about his where abouts was when he tried to cross back into the U.S. at Falcon Dam.  They sent him to Roma because the Dam crossing was closed and he never made it to Roma.  Since this is near Falcon where David was killed it makes me worry that Carl has been kidnapped or killed. My heart is broken for the Wiegand family because I understand what their going thru but at the same time I have no clue because I know what happened to David but the Wiegand family has no clue what has happened or is happening to Carl.  I pray that I can be of a support to his family or just a friend who knows a little about what their going through.

I am really upset that I didn’t hear about this until just a little over a week ago and that Colorado nor any other state is continuing their reporting about U.S. / Mexico Border.

I was talking to a lady in McAllen, TX and she was saying in the last 6-8 months the kidnappings have gone up in the Rio Grande Valley and just on Facebook my friend got a warning from her school that there had been kidnappings at the school.  Seriously, America, Washington, U.S. President how are we not taking notice and doing something about this.  We have a national security issue on our border and it’s not just with Mexico it’s with many other countries that are crossing into the U.S. thru the Mexico border and threatening our national security.

David’s and my family will continue our prayers and support to the Wiegand family and for anyone who reads this please keep them in your prayers and all of those who are in the Wiegand’s situation because we know there are 1000 of families that are going thru the same thing.

God Bless


The other day I came across this saying and it spoke to my heart, I believe God new I needed some encouragement.  So, I would like to share it with anyone who reads this and that you will also be encouraged.

Life is too short to wake up with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget the ones who don’t.

Believe everything happens for a reason, if you are given a second chance, “Grab it with both hands”

If it changes your life

“Let It”

Nobody said life would be easy, They promised it would be worth it!

After reading this my heart was so touched because I was given my second chance and I know if God’s hand was not on my life on Sept 30, 2010 I would not be here.  A friend said to me ” Tiffany it was not your time, if it was, you wouldn’t be here “.  I have always known this but I guess after reading this it became even more real to me.  I have said it before that I really want this year to reflect my second chance and that I want to live my life to the fullest and live a life God and David would be proud of.

I have started to work again which has been really good because I am getting out of the house and meeting people.  It has been an adjustment going from not working for the last 15 months to working 2 part time jobs but it is keeping me busy and I am enjoying it.

This year has had it’s challenges and my faith has been tested all over again.  So, due to some challenges that rocked me to the core, I have not been living my life the way I would like to and now that I have gotten through those difficult times, I feel I am back on track and encouraged that life is heading down a path that only God could have paved out for me and I know he has walked my steps before me and all I have to do is follow in his footsteps.  So, my prayer is that God will lead me down his path he has planned for me because I know his will for my life is greater than I could imagine.

I also had come to the conclusion that my life is bigger than my moments and that my identity is not in David’s death nor Sept 30th, yes it has formed part of my identity and the person that I am today and who I am becoming, but it is not who I am.  My identity is in who God says I am not who the world says I am.  Yes, I have gone through the most horrible thing anyone could imagine, and I am still going through a lot of the pain and grief but I also know that I can not stay in my grief.  Staying in a place where I don’t allow myself to heal doesn’t do me or anyone else any good.  I remind myself all the time that David is happy and he is at peace and in reality he got the better end of the deal.  So I feel I grieve more for myself and not for David.  God’s word says he heals the brokenhearted but he can only do that if we allow him access to our heart and to our pain.  My only hope is that through my life and overcoming the pain I feel inside that God will use me to touch other women and men who have maybe gone through or are going thru a tragic experience.  To encourage them and help them see that God is with them, he loves them, and that he did not make what they are experiencing happen to them, but he will be there to help them through it.

I was watching a movie the other day and the daughter in the show, lost her husband and she asked her dad ” how do you let go “?  He said ” your not letting go of the love you shared with him, your letting go of the life you shared with him “.  I found that to be great wisdom and I also find it relates to anyone who has lost a spouse, child, parent, sibling or friend.  I hope this has been encouraging to anyone who maybe reading this

God Bless