Aurora, CO Shooting

A week ago tonight just after midnight a coward went into a movie theater and started shooting into the crowded theater.  Friday morning my sister called me and told me about it and I was in shock and disbelief as to what happened.  My heart broke for the 12 families that lost a loved one and to all the survivors who made it out alive, even if they were wounded they still were alive.  A few are still in critical condition but many of them are recovering and doing well.

All day Friday I believe God was breaking my heart for what breaks his.  All the way to work I just cried and couldn’t stop, once I got to work so I sat in my car until I could get myself together.  My heart truly could relate to every person who was in the theater.  Even though I was not there I could put myself in their shoes and know the horror they felt.

Everyday since the shooting I pray for the families and friends who have been affected by this horrible tragedy.  My prayer is that I soon will be able to offer my help to the survivors who wish to visit with someone who can not only relate to what they went through and to what they will be going through in the days to come.  I know for me it would of been helpful to visit with someone who understands exactly what they saw, heard and felt.

I pray God will give them the peace and comfort he has given to me.

Restored Joy

If you would of asked me a year ago if I would feel or experience JOY again, I probably would of told you that joy most likely wouldn’t exists in my life again.   And when I talk about joy I mean the deep down unexplainable joy that the Bible talks about.  Just recently I have found that Joy when I stepped out in faith and decided to go boating and get on the water for the first time since David was killed.  I wanted to start taking baby steps to getting my life back and start enjoying the things that were holding me back from living and enjoying the things that David and I enjoyed together.

So, I went boating and got on the inter-tube and had a wonderful time, then the following weekend I went skydiving for the first time.  Boating was the beginning of my leap of faith but skydiving was by far the tipping point of my sense of  freedom.  I loved every minute of it and had a smile on my face that hasn’t left.  I can’t explain why skydiving made me feel alive again but I feel like a new person, a person who is ready to keep moving forward toward what God has in store for me.  For the first time I can see a happier me, I see myself helping others who have been through traumatic experiences, and maybe even marring again.

My goal before the end of summer is to get back on my jet ski and overcome the fear of what memories/flashbacks it might bring forth.  I am already telling myself that once I get on that jet ski the only memories I’ll have is the ones full of joy and excitement.  I refuse to allow myself to think of all the bad ways my mind can react to getting back on it.  I know God will protect me just like he did on Sept 30th and when I went boating.  The worst part of going boating was when we were leaving all I could think of was David would love to be there enjoying the lake.  I could visualize his smile and the look he would have on his face if he were there with us.  Then I remind myself that he is in the most beautiful place and there’s no way he would want to be down here on earth.  His adventures are far more exciting than going boating.  So, for now I will complete all the adventures that we planned to do.

God has shown himself faithful in my life and like my friend has told me from the beginning “God will restore everything that has been stolen from you”.  I believed her then but now I truly believe and receive everything God has in store for me.  He’s restoring my joy… praise God

God has never left me nor forsaken me

Joy is Alive again

God Bless